英语 故事 是英语教材中提拔学生进修兴致 、展示进修要点的重要载体,是英语教学无法绕过的槛。我整理了诙谐的英语小故事 ，欢送阅读!
诙谐的英语小故事篇一
名望 与艰辛劳动
During the Gulf War，my sister，Jane，bought a flag and asked her apartment's maintenance man, a Vietnam vet，to install a pole for him. When she offered to pay him,he told her there was no way he could take money for putting up the American flag.
海湾战争 期间，我妹妹珍妮买了一面美国国旗，她请房子的维修工—一位老兵给她竖一根旗杆。当我妹妹为此什给他钱时，他说，他搀扶帮助 挂美国国旗，无论若何都不应收钱。
Jane contacted her local newspaper，and they published an article about the incident. The next time she encountered the maintenance man, he told her that everyone he knew had read her story and that she had made him a celebrity.Jane jokingly asked for his autograph.
珍妮来到本地报杜，就此事在报上颁发了一篇 文章 。当珍妮第二次碰着那位维修工时，他对珍妮说他所熟悉 的人都看了她写的报章，是她使他成为了名人。珍妮开打趣地说让他给签个名。
"I don't have time,"the man replied. "I'm too busy setting up American flags.”
他答复说:“那我可没时间，挂美国国旗的事忙得我不成开交。”
诙谐的英语小故事篇二
独安适 家
My wife will go to any extreme to keep people from,knowing she is home alone. One evening when I was working late，my wife heard a knock on the door. She ignosed it,but the knocing continued. Frantic，sloe began to bark,softly at first，then louder and louder. Much to her relief,the knocking soon stopped.
我老婆独安适 家时，老是不想让他人晓得家里没有其他的人。一天晚上，我工做到很晚。我老婆听到有人敲门，她就没理，但敲门的声音老是不断，慌乱之中，她起头学狗喊 。一起头她低声地喊 ，随后她的喊 声越来越大。敲门声很快地停了，她那才松了口气。
The next day the paper boy came to the door to collect."I came by last night,"he told me,"but I left when your wife barked at me!"
第二天，送报的小孩来我家收钱，那小孩告诉我:“我昨晚上就来了，你妻子老冲我学狗喊 ，我就走了。”
诙谐的英语小故事篇三
彼得的长相决定了分数
One semester when my brother, Peter，attended the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis，an art-student friend of his asked if he could paint Peter's portait for a class.assignment. Peter agreed，and the art student painted and submitted the portrait, only to receive a C minus.
我兄弟彼得在明尼阿波利斯的明尼索达大学上学时，有一个学期，他的一位学艺术的伴侣问他能否能够用他做 素描 的模特做为课堂功课。彼得附和 了。那位艺术生画完了，就把肖像交给了教师。他只得了一个C-.
The art student approached the professor to ask why the grade was so poor. The teacher told him that the proportions in the painting were incorrect.”The head is too big，”the professor explained.”The shoulders are too wide， and the feet are enormous."
那位艺术生找到传授问为什么他的分数那么低。传授告诉他肖像中的比例失调，传授说:“脑袋太大，肩太宽，脚也过于大了。”
The next day,the art student brought Peter to see the professor. He took one Look at my brother."Okay, A minus. "he said.
第二天，那位艺术生带彼得赐教授，传授看了我兄弟一眼，并说:“好，能够得A-。”
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英语 故事 会呈现学生熟悉 或是不熟悉 的单词，而那个单词的反复不竭呈现，会加深同窗们对单词的记忆。那种记忆不是死记硬背，而是在潜移默化中，让学生记住。此次我给各人整理了英语诙谐小故事，供各人阅读参考。
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英语诙谐小故事1
Don't Pick Up the Money on the Ground
An economist professor and a student are walking down the street when they see a $20 bill lying on the sidewalk in front of them. The student goes to pick up the money but his professor stops him and tells him not to bother.
Why not?
If it were a real twenty-dollar bill, someone would have picked it up already.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
别捡地上的钱
一位经济学传授和一论理学生正在大街上行走，那时他们看到前面的人行道上躺着一张20美圆面值的钞票。学生走过往 预备 捡，传授制止 了他，告诉他别自觅 懊恼。
“为什么不捡?”
“假设那是一张实20美圆钞票的话，早就有人捡走了。”
“该创造的都已经被创造出来了。”
英语诙谐小故事2
The Less You Know, the More Money You Make
Theorem: Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives.
Now a rigorous mathematical proof that explains why this is true:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows, Power=Work/Time. Since Knowledge=Power, and Time=Money, we have
Knowledge=Work/Money. Solving for Money, we get: Money=Work/Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Work done.
Conclusion: The less you know, the more money you make.
常识越少挣钱越多
定理：工程师和科学家永久应当比经济专家挣钱少。
下面是对该定理的一个严厉 的数学证明 ：
假设一：常识就是力量(Power)。
假设二：时间就是金钱。
每个工程师都晓得：功率(Power)= 。既然常识=力量，时间=金钱，我们有：常识= 。求解金钱表达式，我们得到：金钱= 。
因而，当常识趋于零时，无论你做了几功，金钱趋于无限大。
结论：常识越少，你挣得的金钱就越多。
英语诙谐小故事3
They Should Be Playing at Night
A therapist, a priest and an economist go golfing. The group ahead of them is extremely slow, leading to some frustration among the three. Their complaints are overheard, and a man from the group ahead walks over to them. He introduces himself as an aide because the group of golfers he is with is blind! The aide thanks the three in appreciation for their patience for the blind golfers. The priest goes, "Oh no, all my life I've preached for all to be better to my fellow man and here I am complaining about the blind!" The therapist says, "I've been trained my whole life to help others and here I am complaining about the blind, shame on me!" The economist says, "Oh no! They should be playing at night."
他们本该在晚上打球
神父、心理学家和经济学家三人结伴打高尔夫。前面的一组打球进度极其迟缓，那让三人大为恼火。他们起头抱怨 ，前面那组中的一人听到抱怨 声后朝他们走了过来。他 毛遂自荐 说是前面那组球手们的助手，因为那组球手都是盲人。助手感激他们三位耐烦 期待。神父听后忙说：“哦，不会吧?我一辈子都在祈求 同胞们过上更美妙的生活，而我却在那里抱怨 那些盲人!”心理学家也赶紧说：“我一生的信条是搀扶帮助 他人，可是我却在那里抱怨 那些盲人，我实羞愧!”那时只听经济学家说：“哦，别如许!他们本该在晚上打球的。”
英语诙谐小故事4
A fellow pilot flying over the Midwest heard an air-traffic controller trying to contact an airliner for normal frequency change.“Flight 354，“said the controller，"contact Kansas City Center on frequency 135.5.“The request was repeated several times with no reply from the pilot.Finally，in exasperation the controller raised his voice."Flight 354，Simon says contact Kansas City Center on frequency 135.5.”The call was acknowledged with an emharrassed reply and prompt compliance.
一名飞翔员在中西部上空听到空中批示塔的批示员在唤 喊 一民航调整其一般领受频次。"354航班，”批示塔在唤 喊 ，“请与堪萨斯市中心135.5频次联络。”那一指令反复了几次之后，竟没得到任何回音。最初，批示塔的批示员显然是被激怒了，他高声地锐:"354航班，西蒙说速与135. 5预率联络。”那一声显然奏效，只听对方慌忙地做了答复并敏捷从命了批示。”
英语诙谐小故事5
Even My Driver Can Answer that Question
A famous game theorist, having won the Clark prize, was set to give a series of lectures at prestigious universities throughout the northeast. For the task, he hired a car and driver to take him from place to place . With nothing else to do, the driver would sit in on the highly technical lectures. After several lectures, the driver commented to the economist, "You know, I've heard your lecture so much that I think I could deliver it myself." The economist found this idea intriguing and decided to switch places with him at his next lecture.
The driver gave the talk flawlessly. However, after the lecture, some one in the audience asked him a rather technical question that the driver had no idea how to even begin to answer. The driver considered it for a moment, and then replied, "That question is so easy, even my driver can answer it."
以至我的司机都能答复阿谁问题
一位闻名 的博弈论专家一获得克拉克奖便起头在东北部各个出名大学展开一系列讲座。为了完成那项使命，他租了一辆车并雇了一名司机载着他四处赶场。没有此外事可做的司机就坐在课堂里听专家那科技含量颇高的讲座。几场讲座下来，司机对那位经济学家说：“我听了那么屡次你的讲座，我觉得我本身也能讲了。”经济学家觉得那个设法很有趣，于是决定下次做讲座时他们两个互换位置。
司机完美无瑕地完成了演讲。可是当讲座完毕后，听寡中有人问了他一个手艺含量相当 高的问题，他不知若何启齿答复。司机深思 了一会，答复道：“那个问题太简单了，连我的司机都能答复。”
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英语简单搞笑故事带翻译『壹』 十分简短的英语诙谐故事带翻译
The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little girl. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
一个小来女孩十分不喜好狗自狂喊 的样子。
“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不消恐惧 ，你晓得那条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”
“啊，我是晓得，可是狗也晓得吗？”
『贰』 英语诙谐小故事（带翻译的） 不要太稚嫩 的！
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：实蹩脚，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发作了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for o cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are o cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“今天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个同情 的老太婆，”他答复说。 “你实是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲 地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴致 呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing o policemen. If I regard the o policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醒酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。那个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴致 的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲提问道：“爸爸，‘醒’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲答复说，“你瞧那儿站着两个差人。假设 我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醒了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只要一个差人呀！”
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor *** iled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
因为客人在食 苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女仆人向各人表达 歉意。那家的小男孩静静 地分开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人浅笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
英语小笑话
上个礼拜五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服往 打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you
know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我成天都在想著
性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正骇怪 他怎么反响那么快, 联想力那么丰富 时,旁边的
一个老美帮我得救, 他说, 有一个很闻名 的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是
A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,那个典故可是良多老美都耳熟
能详的喔! 下次就换你往 取笑老美了.
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一须眉进进 教堂和天主对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美圆对你意味着几?"天主答复:"一便士."须眉又问:"那一百万年呢?"天主说:"一秒钟."最初须眉恳求道:"天主,我能得到一便士吗?"天主答复:"过一秒钟."
『叁』 英语诙谐小故事50字摆布（带翻译）
Q: Why won’t the elephant use the puter?
为什么大象不玩电脑？
A: He’s afraid of the mouse!
他恐惧 老鼠！
鼠标和老鼠的英文皆为mouse。
mouse [maʊs]n. 鼠标；老鼠；胆怯羞怯的人
2.A much worried patiant walked into the doctor's office and asked for help。
"Doctor, I don't know what to do. I accidentally drank a bottle of gasoline yesterday."
"Oh, don't worry! All you have to remember is not to *** oke in the next few days." The doctor said.
一位很焦虑 的病人走到医生办公室逃求 搀扶帮助 。
“医生，我不晓得该怎么办。今天我不小心饮 下了一瓶汽油。”
“哦，不消担忧。你必然要服膺将来几天不要抽烟就行了。”医生说。
3.A man was hit by a cab in the street.
He was brought to the hospital.
His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."
"I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor,
Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."
"Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"
一个汉子在街上被出租车碰倒送进了病院.
他的老婆站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很凶猛."
医生说:"我怕他已经死了."
听到医生的话,那个汉子动弹着头说:"我没死,我还活着."
老婆说:"平静 ,医生比你懂得多."
4.A man goes to church and starts talking to God.
He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?"
And God says: "A penny".
Then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?"
And God says: "a second",
Then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?"
And God says "In a second".
一须眉进进 教堂和天主对话.
他问:"主啊, 一百万美圆对你意味着几?"
天主答复:"一便士."
须眉又问:"那一百万年呢?"
天主说:"一秒钟."
最初须眉恳求道:"天主,我能得到一便士吗?"
天主答复:"过一秒钟."
5.Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?
Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：实蹩脚，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
6.Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发作了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
『肆』 英语诙谐小故事带翻译200字以上10篇
1. Midway Tactics
Three peting store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".
中间战术
三个互相争生意的商铺老板在一条贸易街上租用了邻接的店展 。旁看 者等着瞧好戏。
右边的零售商挂起了浩荡 的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特廉价!”
右边的商铺挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”
中间的商人随后预备 了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“进 口处”。
2. Very Pleased to Meet You
During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I“m going abroad tomorrow, but I“d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.
Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.
Joan went there and said to the matron, "I“ve e to visit Captain Humphreys."
"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
"Oh, that“s all right," answered Joan. "I“m his sister."
"I“m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I“m his mother!"
在第二次世界大战中，有许多年轻的妇女在军营中退役。琼.飞利浦斯是此中之一。她在一个大军营中工做，当然碰着 了许多男士，包罗军官和兵士。
一天晚上她在舞会上碰着 了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说，"我明天就要出国，但假设 我们可以彼此写信，我会很兴奋 。"琼附和 了，于是他们几个月里不断通着信。
后来，他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信，告诉她，他受伤了，住在英格兰的某个队伍病院里。
琼到了病院，她对护士长说，"我来看看 军官汉弗雷斯。"
"那里只要亲属能够探看 病人。"护士长说。
"噢，是的，"琼说，"我是他的妹妹。"
"很兴奋 熟悉 你，"护士长说，"我是他的母亲。"
期看 能搀扶帮助 到您，看 摘 纳！
『伍』 英语诙谐故事带翻译
如许能够吗 ？
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I e to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
教师:为什么你天天 早晨都迟到?
汤姆:每当我颠末学校的拐角处,就看见一个牌子上写着"学校----慢行".
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for o cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are o cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“今天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个同情 的老太婆，”他答复说。 “你实是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲 地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴致 呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing o policemen. If I regard the o policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醒酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。那个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴致 的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲提问道：“爸爸，‘醒’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲答复说，“你瞧那儿站着两个差人。假设 我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醒了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只要一个差人呀！”
『陆』 求英文诙谐小故事 少一点 越少越好 带中文翻译
Fox and cock
【狐狸和公鸡】
One morning a fox saw a cock.He thought,"This is my breakfast.''
He came up to the cock and said,"I know you can sing very well.Can you sing for me?''The cock was glad.He closes his eyes and began to sing.The fox saw that and caught him in his mouth and carried him away.
The people in the field saw the fox.They cried,"Look,look!The fox is carrying the cock away.''
The cock said to the fox,"Mr Fox,do you understand?The people say you are carrying their cock away.Tell them it is yours.Not theirs.''
The fox opened his mouth and said,"The cock is mine,not yours.''Just then the cock ran away from the fox and fled into the tree.
一天早上，一只狐狸看到了一只公鸡。他想：那是我的早餐。
他朝公鸡走来，对他说：“我晓得，你能唱得十分好听，你能唱给我听么？”公鸡很兴奋 。他闭上眼睛起头唱歌。狐狸看到那些挠 住它放到本身的嘴里走了。
在田地里的人们看到了狐狸。大喊大喊 ：“看，看！狐狸挠 住公鸡逃走了。”公鸡对狐狸说：“狐狸先生，你能理解么？人们认为你叼走了公鸡。告诉他们那是你的，不是他们的。”
狐狸张开她的嘴说：“公鸡是我的，不是你们的。”就在那时，公鸡逃离了狐狸的嘴巴，跑到了树底下。
『柒』 求一个简单的英语诙谐小故事,不要太长. 英语加翻译
Tom has o apples.He ate one and ask Jim "how mang apples do I have now?".Jim answered quickly"very easy,one."But Tom said"no ,I have o .One is inside and the other is outside.
汤姆有两个苹果.他食 了一个,然后问吉姆“我如今有几个苹果?”吉姆很快的版答复说“太简权单了,一个嘛.”但是汤姆说“不合错误,我有两个.一个在里面（肚子里）一个在外面.
英语诙谐故事英文诙谐故事
Marriage Proposal to Bernard Shaw
Once a beautiful and dissolute British actress wrote to propose marriage to Bernard Shaw． She said she did not mindBernard Shaw's old age and ugliness because he was a genius． And if they could bine the beauty of the woman with the talents of the great man，that would be greatly harmonious． “With your wisdom and my appearance，our children must be perfect．”
Bernard Shaw answered，in a letter，that her imagination wassplendid，“But，what if the children take my appearance and yourwisdom？”
向肖伯纳求婚
英国有位美貌风流的女演员，曾写信向肖伯纳求婚。她说，因为他是个天才，她不嫌肖伯纳年迈丑恶。假设能使女郎的美貌和超人的天才连系，那该是多么协调啊。“咱们的后代有你的伶俐 和我的美貌，那必然是十全十美了。”
肖伯纳给她回了一封信说，她的想象很是美妙 ，“可是，假设生下的孩子表面象我，而伶俐 又象你，那又该怎么办呢？”
英语诙谐故事
Peter
dozed
off
while
his
teacher
was
talking.
教师正在讲课，彼得打起瞌睡来了。
Teacher:
Peter！Tell
us,
what's
the
biggest
in
the
world?
教师：彼得！你说说，世界上什么更大？
Peter:
Well,
well....eyelids....
彼得:
嗯……嗯……眼皮……
Teacher:
What？Eyelids？
教师：什么？眼皮？
Peter:
Yes,
sir.
Because
as
soon
as
I
shut
my
eyes,
the
eyelids
cover
everything
of
the
world.
彼得：是的，教师。因为我眼睛一闭，眼皮就把世界上所有的工具都遮住了
Late
one
night
at
the
insane
asylum
(疯人院）one
inmate
shouted,
"I
am
Napoleon!"
Another
one
said,
"How
do
you
know?"
The
first
inmate
said,
"God
told
me!"
Just
then,
a
voice
from
another
room
shouted,
"I
did
not!"
疯人院
一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说："我是拿破仑！"另一个说："你怎么晓得？"第一小我说："天主对我说的！"一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来："我没说！"
英语诙谐小故事50字摆布（带翻译）
Q: Why won’t the elephant use the puter?
为什么大象不玩电脑？
A: He’s afraid of the mouse!
他恐惧 老鼠！
鼠标和老鼠的英文皆为mouse。
mouse [maʊs]n. 鼠标；老鼠；胆怯羞怯的人
2.A much worried patiant walked into the doctor's office and asked for help。
"Doctor, I don't know what to do. I accidentally drank a bottle of gasoline yesterday."
"Oh, don't worry! All you have to remember is not to *** oke in the next few days." The doctor said.
一位很焦虑 的病人走到医生办公室逃求 搀扶帮助 。
“医生，我不晓得该怎么办。今天我不小心饮 下了一瓶汽油。”
“哦，不消担忧。你必然要服膺将来几天不要抽烟就行了。”医生说。
3.A man was hit by a cab in the street.
He was brought to the hospital.
His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."
"I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor,
Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."
"Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"
一个汉子在街上被出租车碰倒送进了病院.
他的老婆站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很凶猛."
医生说:"我怕他已经死了."
听到医生的话,那个汉子动弹着头说:"我没死,我还活着."
老婆说:"平静 ,医生比你懂得多."
4.A man goes to church and starts talking to God.
He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?"
And God says: "A penny".
Then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?"
And God says: "a second",
Then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?"
And God says "In a second".
一须眉进进 教堂和天主对话.
他问:"主啊, 一百万美圆对你意味着几?"
天主答复:"一便士."
须眉又问:"那一百万年呢?"
天主说:"一秒钟."
最初须眉恳求道:"天主,我能得到一便士吗?"
天主答复:"过一秒钟."
5.Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?
Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：实蹩脚，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
6.Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发作了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
关于英语的诙谐故事
Three Surgeons 三个有名的外科医生
Three famous surgeons were bragging about their skills. "A man came to me who had his hand cut off," said one. "Today that man is a concert violinist." "That's nothing," said another. "A guy came to me who had his legs cut off. I stitched them back on, and today that man is a marathon runner."
"I can top both of you," said the third. "One day I came on the scene of a terrible accident. There was nothing left but a horse's posterior - and a pair of glasses. Today that man is seated in United States Senate."
三个有名的外科医生正在吹嘘他们的手艺。“一小我断了一隻手，他来找我，”一个说，“现在阿谁人是个音乐会的小提琴手。”
“那算不了什么，”另一个说。“一个家伙两条腿断了，他来找我，我将它们接了回往 。现在，那人是马拉松选手。”
“我比你们两个都强，”第三个说，“一天，我碰着一路可怕的车祸。除了一个马 *** ，和一双眼睛，什么都没有留下。现在，那人坐在美国参议院里。”
一天3小我角逐射击。A，50步射中某人头上的苹果说：I am A。B，100步射中说：I am B。C，150步，开枪后说：I am sorry.
英语诙谐故事带翻译
The Old Cat
An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it.
Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young."
【译文】
老猫
一位老妇有只猫，那只猫很老，它跑不快了，也咬不了工具，因为它年纪太大了。一天，老猫发现一只老鼠，它跳过往 挠 那只老鼠，然而，它咬不住那只老鼠。因而，老鼠从它的嘴边溜掉了，因为老猫咬不了它。
于是，老妇很生气，因为老猫没有把老鼠咬死。她起头打那只猫，猫说：“不要打你的老仆人，我已经为你办事了良多年，并且还情愿 为你效劳，但是，我其实太老了，对年纪大的不要那么无情，要记住老年人在年青时所做过的有益的工作。”
A man was going to the house of some rich person. As he went along the road, he saw a box of good apples at the side of the road. He said, "I do not want to eat those apples; for the rich man will give me much food; he will give me very nice food to eat." Then he took the apples and threw them away into the st.
He went on and came to a river. The river had bee very big; so he could not go over it. He waited for some time; then he said, "I cannot go to the rich man's house today, for I cannot get over the river."
He began to go home. He had eaten no food that day. He began to want food. He came to the apples, and he was glad to take them out of the st and eat them.
Do not throw good things away; you may be glad to have them at some other time.
【译文】
一小我正朝着一个富人的房子走往 ，当他沿着路走时，在路的一边他发现一箱好苹果，他说：“我不诡计 食 那些苹果，因为富人会给我更多的食物，他会给我很好食 的工具。”然后他拿起苹果，一把扔到土里往 。
他陆续 走，来到河边，河涨水了，因而，他到不了河对岸，他等了一会儿，然后他说：“今天我往 不了富人家了，因为我不克不及渡过河。”
他起头回家，那天他没有食 工具。他就起头往 找食 的，他找到苹果，很兴奋 地把它们从尘土中翻出来食 了。
不要把好工具扔掉，换个时候你会觉得它们大有用途。
The City Mouse and the Country Mouse
Once there were o mice. They were friends. One mouse lived in the country; the other mouse lived in the city. After many years the Country mouse saw the City mouse; he said, "Do e and see me at my house in the country." So the City mouse went. The City mouse said, "This food is not good, and your house is not good. Why do you live in a hole in the field? You should e and live in the city. You would live in a nice house made of stone. You would have nice food to eat. You must e and see me at my house in the city."
The Country mouse went to the house of the City mouse. It was a very good house. Nice food was set ready for them to eat. But just as they began to eat they heard a great noise. The City mouse cried, " Run! Run! The cat is ing!" They ran away quickly and hid.
After some time they came out. When they came out, the Country mouse said, "I do not like living in the city. I like living in my hole in the field. For it is nicer to be poor and happy, than to be rich and afraid."
【译文】
城里老鼠和乡间老鼠
畴前，有两只老鼠，它们是好伴侣。一只老鼠栖身在村落，另一只住在城里。良多年以后，乡间老鼠碰着城里老鼠，它说：“你必然要来我乡间的家看看。”于是，城里老鼠就往 了。乡间老鼠领着它到了一块田地上它本身的家里。它把所有最精巧食物都找出来给城里老鼠。城里老鼠说：“那工具欠好食 ，你的家也欠好，你为什么住在田野的地洞里呢？你应该移 到城里往 住，你能住上用石头造的标致房子，还会食 上甘旨好菜，你应该到我城里的家看看。”
乡间老鼠就到城里老鼠的家往 。房子非常标致，好食 的工具也为他们摆好了。可是合理他们要起头食 的时候，闻声 很大的一阵响声，城里的老鼠喊 喊起来：“快跑！快跑！猫来了！”他们飞快地跑开躲躲 起来。
过了一会儿，他们出来了。当他们出来时，乡间老鼠说：“我不喜好住在城里，我喜好住在田野我的洞里。因为如许固然穷困 但是快乐安适 ，比起固然富有却要过着提心吊胆的生活来说，要好些。”
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I e to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
教师:为什么你天天 早晨都迟到?
汤姆:每当我颠末学校的拐角处,就看见一个牌子上写着"学校----慢行".
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for o cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are o cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“今天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个同情 的老太婆，”他答复说。 “你实是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲 地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴致 呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing o policemen. If I regard the o policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醒酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。那个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴致 的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲提问道：“爸爸，‘醒’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲答复说，“你瞧那儿站着两个差人。假设 我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醒了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只要一个差人呀！”
英语小故事 笑话
英语笑话（一）
Q:
What's
the
difference
beeen
a
monkey
and
a
flea?
A:
A
monkey
can
have
fleas,
but
a
flea
can't
have
monkeys.
山公会和跳蚤有什么差别呢？你可能会间接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是山公身上能够长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不克不及有山公。那个谜底很有意思吧？
Q:
How
can
you
most
irritate
a
farmer?
A:
By
treading
on
his
corn?
假设 你踩了农人 的玉米或是谷物，他必定会生气的；而假设 你踩了农人 脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既能够表达 “玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。
Q:
Which
is
the
strongest
creature
in
the
world?
A:
The
snail.
It
carries
its
house
on
its
back.
因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上老是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是层见迭出的。你说呢？
Q:
What
do
people
do
in
a
clock
factory?
A:
They
make
faces
all
day.
一看到make
faces那个短语，你可万万别认为是在钟表厂工做的人成天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了那个意思以外，它还能够从字面上阐明 为造造钟面。
Q:
How
do
you
stop
a
sleepwalker
from
walking
in
his
sleep?
A:
Keep
him
awake.
如何才气不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk
in
his
sleep）呢？最简单的办法就是不让他睡觉。固然那不是治疗办法，但假设 让梦游者醒着呢，他确实就不会往 梦游了。
简短搞笑的英文故事大全一 短小诙谐的英语小故事有哪些
短小诙谐的英语小故事
1.Lady First 密斯优先
A teacher asked her class: "Is the sentence ' The ox and
the cow are in the fields' correct?" Most of the children said: "Yes, it is all
right!" And only one little boy said: "No, it is not correct. The lady must be
mentioned first."
密斯优先
一位教师问班上的学生：”公牛和母牛在田里“那个句子对吗？” 大大都学生答复说：“对，分毫不爽。”
只要一个小男孩说：“不合错误，应该先说密斯。”
2.Where is the egg?
Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word "egg"?
Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.
Teacher:Then where is the “egg"?
Student:In the cake,Sir.
鸡蛋在哪里？
教师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？
学生：能够。我今天食 了一件蛋糕。
教师：“鸡蛋”在哪？
学生：在蛋糕里，先生。
二 英语简短诙谐故事
talking
clock
会说话的钟
while
proudly
showing
off
his
new
apartment
to
friends,
a
college
student
led
the
way
into
the
den.
"what
is
the
big
brass
gong
and
hammer
for?"
one
of
his
friends
asked.
"that
is
the
talking
clock,"
the
man
replied.
"how's
it
work?"
"watch,"
the
man
said
and
proceeded
to
give
the
gong
an
ear
shattering
pound
with
the
hammer.
suddenly,
someone
screamed
from
the
other
side
of
the
wall,
"knock
it
off,
you
idiot!
it's
o
o'clock
in
the
morning!"
一班学生带他伴侣们参看 他的新公寓，甚是自得 。“阿谁大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个伴侣问他。“那玩意儿凶猛了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生答复。“那钟怎么工做的”，他的伴侣问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音振聋发聩。突然 ，他们听到隔邻墙那边有人狂喊 ，“别敲了，你那 *** ！如今是凌晨两点钟了！”
参考材料：
///s?wd=%bc%c3%c4%cf%d1%ef%b8%f1cl=3
三 英语简短诙谐的小故事（1分半钟）
clock
会说话的钟
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"
"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's o o'clock in the morning!"
一名学生带他伴侣们参看 他的新公寓，甚是自得 。“阿谁大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个伴侣问他。“那玩意儿凶猛了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生答复。“那钟怎么工做的”，他的伴侣问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音振聋发聩。突然 ，他们听到隔邻墙那边有人狂喊 ，“别敲了，你那 *** ！如今是凌晨两点钟了！”
那是第一篇~
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一须眉进进 教堂和天主对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美圆对你意味着几?"天主答复:"一便士."须眉又问:"那一百万年呢?"天主说:"一秒钟."最初须眉恳求道:"天主,我能得到一便士吗?"天主答复:"过一秒钟."
Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse es up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got ins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse es up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse es up to the third man and says
"Congratulations, you got ins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered,"What's wrong? I work for 7up"!
四个好伴侣在病院里碰面了,他们的老婆正在消费.护士过来对第一个汉子说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."汉子说:"多希罕 呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的 司理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个汉子说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."汉子很喜好:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最初,护士跑来对第三个汉子 说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."汉子很高兴地说:"实令人啼笑皆非,我为四时宾馆工做."他们三个都很兴奋 ,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,诅咒天主 并用头碰墙.他们问他有什么不合错误劲,他答复道:"什么不合错误劲?我可是在七喜公司工做呀!"
呵呵,一个比一个效率高.
四 英语简短诙谐的小故事有哪些
Talking clock
会说话的钟
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"
"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's o o'clock in the morning!"
一名学生带他伴侣们参看 他的新公寓，甚是自得 。“阿谁大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个伴侣问他。“那玩意儿凶猛了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生答复。“那钟怎么工做的”，他的伴侣问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音振聋发聩。突然 ，他们听到隔邻墙那边有人狂喊 ，“别敲了，你那 *** ！如今是凌晨两点钟了！”
那是第一篇~
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一须眉进进 教堂和天主对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美圆对你意味着几?"天主答复:"一便士."须眉又问:"那一百万年呢?"天主说:"一秒钟."最初须眉恳求道:"天主,我能得到一便士吗?"天主答复:"过一秒钟."
Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse es up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got ins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse es up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse es up to the third man and says
"Congratulations, you got ins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!
四个好伴侣在病院里碰面了,他们的老婆正在消费.护士过来对第一个汉子说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."汉子说:"多希罕 呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的 司理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个汉子说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."汉子很喜好:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最初,护士跑来对第三个汉子 说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."汉子很高兴地说:"实令人啼笑皆非,我为四时宾馆工做."他们三个都很兴奋 ,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,诅咒天主 并用头碰墙.他们问他有什么不合错误劲,他答复道:"什么不合错误劲?我可是在七喜公司工做呀!"
呵呵,一个比一个效率高.
五 英文短篇诙谐故事
Big Head
“来All the kids make fun of me”the boy cried to his mother.“They say I have a big head”
“Don't listento them.”his motherforted him.“You have a beautiful head .Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes”
“Where's the shopping bag?”
“I haven't got one,use your hat.”
大脑袋源
“所有的孩子都拿我开打趣，”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说：“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。”
“别听他们的，”他妈妈安抚 说：“你的脑袋长得很标致。好了，别哭了，往 商铺买10磅土豆来。”
“购物袋在哪？”
“我没有购物袋，就用你的帽子吧。”
六 搞笑英文故事（短,易懂）
A little boy asked his mother "Why are you crying?"
一个男孩问他的妈妈：“ 你为什么要哭呢？”
"Because I'm a woman," she told him.
妈妈说：“因为我是女人啊。”
"I don't understand," he said.
男孩说：“我不懂。”
His mum just hugged him and said, "And you never will."
他妈妈抱起他说：“你永久不会懂的。”
Later the little boy asked his father,"Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"
后来小男孩就问他爸爸：“妈妈为什么毫无理由的哭呢？”
"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.
他爸爸只能说：“所有女人都如许。”
The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.
小男孩长大了，成为一个汉子，但他仍就不懂女报酬什么哭抽泣 。
Finally he put in a call to God; and when God got on the phone, he asked,"God, why do women cry so easily?"
最初，他打德律风给天主；在天主拿起德律风时，他问道：“天主，女报酬什么那么随便 哭抽泣 呢？”
God said: "When I made the woman, she had to be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world; yet, gentle enough to give fort."
天主答复说：“当我创造 女人时，就让她很特殊 。我使她的肩膀能挑起整个世界；同时却又柔情似水。”
"I gave her an inner strength to enre childbirth and the rejection that many times es from her children."
“我让她的心里很顽强，可以承担 临蓐的痛苦，并能屡次忍耐来自本身孩子的回绝。”
七 十分简短的英语诙谐故事
来源：收集晓得
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Big Head
“All the kids make fun of me”the boy cried to his mother.“They say I have a big head”
“Don't listen to them.”his mother forted him.“You have a beautiful head .Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes”
“Where's the shopping bag?”
“I haven't got one,use your hat.”
大脑袋
“所有的孩子都拿我开打趣，”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说：“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。”
“别听他们的，”他妈妈安抚 说：“你的脑袋长得很标致。好了，别哭了，往 商铺买10磅土豆来。”
“购物袋在哪？”
“我没有购物袋，就用你的帽子吧。”
Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for o cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are o cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“今天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个同情 的老太婆，”他答复说。 “你实是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲 地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴致 呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
Where is the father?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
父亲在哪儿？
兄弟俩在看一些标致的油画。
“看，”哥哥说，“那些画多标致呀！”
“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有那些画中，只要妈妈和孩子。那爸爸往 哪儿了呢？”
哥哥想了会儿，然后阐明 道：“很明显，他其时正在画那些画呗。”
八 谁有简短一点的英语小故事（要搞笑一点哦）
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I e to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
教师:为什么你天天 早晨都迟到?
汤姆:每当我颠末学校的回拐角处,就看见一个牌子上答写着"学校----慢行".
九 英语小故事 比力简单 有点搞笑不要太罕见
Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for o cents.
"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman,"he answered.
"You are a good boy ,"said the mother proudly."Here are o more cents.But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy"